Today, I typed an essay on my friend’s computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject “here bitch” as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn’t change the subject name. ~Fmylife.com
So, as we all know, times are tough right bow bla bla. I have decided to blame the recession for anything and everything that goes wrong in my life. Getting fat? it’s the recession. Walk into a glass door thinking it was open (true story)?…Recession. The theme of every actor I know seems to be “crap…what should I do with my life now” It hasn’t really occurred to any of us until now that we may have to actually make money and support ourselves some day. I mean, how DARE my parents tell me I need to get a job and stop living off their payroll. I mean…..I’m only 29!!!! So, I did a little personal inventory this summer. I sat down with a pen and paper and began listing all of my other talents and areas of expertise. The finished product read as follows: Talents:
1) Facebook,
2) Eating large quantities of dessert,
3) Bedazzling useless things.
Oddly enough, I did some research and found out that none of these things pay. Weird. So, I did some more thinking and realized that I have always gravitated toward crazy people. I am in theater after all, so quantities are not scarce. So, I proudly decided that I would heal the crazies and thus save the world from ultimate destruction. I was on such a high from this revelation that I triumphantly volunteered with the New York State Psychiatric Hospital. From there, I was assigned to help out with teenagers at the psychiatric hospital in-patient high school. PERFECT! I loved high school. This will be a breeze. I show up 10 minutes early with a smile of my face and a spring in my step just THINKING about how grateful these kids will be when I heal them and make the world a better place. I mean, I am SUCH a good person, right??! I walk in the door and announce that I am Kim! And I am here…let the healing begin!!!! A wad of paper is immediately hurled at my head. Strangely enough, the experience doesn’t play out exactly as I had imagined. it was less…tears of joy and changing people’s lives , and more ….verbal assaults and things thrown at my body (these have included, but are not limited to, spitballs, gum, a book, wads of paper, and an orange.) Here is a typical conversation;
Kim: “Hi! Can I help you with your homework?”
asshole adolescent: “Go fuck yourself”
Kim: (blinks silently) or
Teacher: “Kim, can you show them how to solve this equation while I have a meeting with (insert crazy student’s name)?”
Kim: (Stares at freshman year math problem realizing she has no idea how to solve it. Then realizes that is sad)
So, after a few months there I was feeling quite under-appreciated, and I asked to volunteer with another unit. Fortunately, there was an opening in a different area and, before I knew it, I was all set up to conduct patient interviews……in the anorexia ward. I think I could possibly be the worst person for this job. Instead of taking notes about their triggers and day to day problems in the ward, I find myself wanting to ask, “So….can you give me any diet tips??” I am in awe of their will power when I cannot end my passionate love affair with ice cream. I also get assignments on other wards from time to time, and was put with a patient on the schizophrenia a few weeks back. This was my first experience on that ward;
Kim: “Ok so, what do you to in your free time? Read books? Magazines?”
Crazy schizo patient: “No..they won’t let me have books or magazines here”
Kim: “Really?? why? That seems odd.”
Crazy schizo: “Cause I tend make them into weapons and put people in the hospital.” ****note that I had given him paper and a pen (which I found out later he also “tends” to use to stab people with)
Kim: (frantically looks around for closest exit)
Crazy schizo: (sensing my terror): “Oh…don’t worry I haven’t done that in over a week.”