Not really sure how you begin a blog so I’ll simply start by introducing myself to….well…myself, I guess. I live in the weirdest city in the world in a profession that makes Tranny Midget pole dancing look relatively normal. I have a weird fascination with all books and movies relating to the Holocaust and a love for music that makes you want to take a warm bath with razor blades. I tend to eat my feelings (they are usually pretty delicious), and get a sick pleasure out of popping pimples. (come on….don’t even TRY to tell me you don’t feel a moment of sheer exhilaration as the white stuff shoots out at the mirror…..no?….hm…) I feel that Tylenol PM and Oatmeal cookie chunk ice cream are proof that Jesus loves us, and sometimes I forget that I am not actually friends with LC, Audrina, The real housewives of Atlanta, and Rachel Zoe. If I had a quarter for every time I told myself that my diet starts tomorrow I’d be living on Park Avenue. Clowns freak the shit out of me…in a related story; I was home in Chicago last year driving late at night when I came to a stoplight only to look next to me and see a car FILLED with clowns. I screamed and hauled ass through the red light and have never been the same. I’m 81% sure I have a mild case of ADD.
Some of my favorite things in NYC; the neighborhood homeless man with an Ipod, the fact that a man with a mullet dressed only in banana hammocks and boots holding a guitar can stand in the middle of times square and become famous, the ease in which one can eavesdrop on other people’s cell phone conversations and hear things like “No seriously…he wanted to put it up my poopchute!”, weird chemical sugar substances NY’ers happily accept as “ice cream”, the street “store” on my block that sells dolls with no heads (for 3 dollars!), 1 shoe (pretty sure they are supposed to be a set), A Paula Abdul “straight up and tell me” single cassette tape, and a Jem lunchbox (truly truly truly outrageous, outrageous….ok so ya, I have considered buying it, so sue me), the drunk preachers of the Gospel on the A train (”And sjesus say bress me fo i harve sind), and the fact that even the mice here are assholes…I swear I saw one roll it’s eyes in disgust and I tried to launch a surprise attack with my stiletto, and being in line behind a drag queen at the grocery store just isn’t anything out of the ordinary.
I can usually be found making an ass of myself at an audition, making love to my DVR, or stalking people on facebook. Between eating, stalking people online, and reality TV-watching, I have very little time to do much else.
Ok I think I am done for today. Off to find out what crucial celebrity news I have missed.
xo
Kimmy
