Now, I know we all agree that facebook is pretty AWESOME. I mean, It has enabled me to find old friends from high school, talk to friends I wouldn’t normally communicate with all that much, and decorate my page with photo albums and pictures with my face superimposed onto Arnold Scherzinger and Chucky-the-homicidal-doll’s body. So, that being said, don’t rain on my parade by writing me on here with a “Hey sexy, what’s shakin? We’d be good together hot stuff” (This, my friends, is an actually email I received) I mean, what do you expect me to answer you with? “OMG thanks SO much for the lovely compliments! I am just so flattered! And I agree, we are OBVIOUSLY a match!”
For those of you who don’t know who you are, I will post some simple questions to ask yourself before emailing me or any girl on here for that matter. If you answer any of these questions with a “yes” then please don’t email me….or anyone with a vagina for that matter.
1.) Am I over the age of 40 and still using the words “hotstuff”, or “chillin’”
2.) Am I a fat, bald, divorcee who wears a toupee?
3.) Is my facebook name something like “Hungwell8″ or “Big papa22″ ?
4.) Am I from the Jersey shore or Staten Island (Nothing wrong with these lovely places, of course) and my idea of a good time is to come into the city wearing a child size tight black T-shirt and go clubbing whereupon I wiggle and rub up on poor innocent victims who simply want to go out and dance?
5.) Do I wear my shirt unbuttoned to my belly button with 28 gold chains around my neck and drive a car with hydraulics and neon lights underneath?
6.) Use phrases on a regular basis such as “sexy mama” and “sweet lips”
7.) Am I married.
8.) Am I crazy?
9.) Am I gay? (This one applies primarily to men in NYC who are overexposed to fashion and musical theatre.)
That about sums it up. If you answer yes to these, please, please don’t procreate….ever.
That’s all for today for today, folks. See you on Facebook.