I have decided that the movie theater in Times Square is my version of hell on earth. And although this theater is in close proximity to my apartment, I will never ever go see a movie there. Why, you ask? Good question. Here are some of the things you can expect to experience while sitting peacefully in that theater:
1) People answering their cell phones and having conversations (in full voice) during movies.
Obnoxious loud Ringtone: “If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it…….”
Ghetto movie go-er: ”Hello?? Hey girl!!!!! Whatchu doin?? Eh..nothin just chillin at da movies.”
Equally ghetto person on the other end: “bla bla bla, bla bla bla”
Ghetto movie go-er: ”HA HA! You funny girl! Ya the movie’s coo. Supwichyou? Nu-uh!!!! No she dihn’t!!!”
(This will continue for 5 minutes. You get the picture)
2) Most of the audience will talk back to/at the movie.
Joshua Jackson in ‘Shutter’: “Hey, come here”
Another ghetto movie go-er from directly behind me: “Donchu go girl!!! Don’t do it!!!”
Yet another ghetto: “Nu uh!!!! Get yo ass away from there!!!”
Me: (mentally bitch slapping myself for coming to this theater)
3) A small popcorn and medium drink will set you back $56.00 (see picture below). This was an actual picture I took of my friend Jessica’s $12.00 meal. The midget sized popcorn was seriously like 8.00)
4) Half of said meal (see above) is likely to be hurled at the screen (or your head) by many of your fellow movie go-ers.
5) You will probably be on the 266th floor which isn’t such a big deal until the movie is out and you are all forced down 1 skinny escalator which requires you to hit a landing at every floor and connect to another escalator. Since there are way too many people on each escalator, you will be forcibly smashed into 50 people as you hit each landing. Not all of these people will be wearing deodorant.
6) There will be times you will fear for your life inside and outside of the theater. Your small blonde probably-won’t-be-able-to-defend-yourself life.
7) At least half of your audience will have come from Dallas BBQ across the street. And will be drunk. And loud.
Lesson learned? If someone suggests you see a movie in Times Square…..punch them in the face.
