Kimmy in the City

I feel there should be some kind of test one has to take to live in the city of New York, because I think we have successfully hit our idiot quota.  

Me ordering a sandwich at subway yesterday: “Hi, can I have a 6 inch turkey on wheat, no cheese”

Sandwich artist with IQ of a retarded chimp: “Do you want cheese on that?”

Me: “No.”

Sandwich artist: “lettuce/tomato?”

Me: “Yes”

Sandwich artist: “what kind of cheese?”

Me: (blinks) 

Or this verbatim conversation that happened yesterday in my bank;

Worried woman (rushing up to the bank teller window): “Did you find a phone here? I think I left my blackberry this morning. Did anyone turn it in?”

Bank teller: “No, but what’s your cell…..we can call you if it turns up.”

Woman: (silence)

    If you haven’t yet discovered www.overheardinnewyork.com please run, don’t walk.  This site is genius…..I mean, if you are a New Yorker, you have heard many a dumbass conversation while you are out and about on any given day.  This site provides a sounding board for people to post the hilarious things they hear.  So, I thought I’d dedicate this post to stupid people everywhere…..you know who you are;

Button-down and khakis guy #1: I wish I had a bi-polar friend…it’d be like having two friends in one!
Button-down guy #2, completely serious: Yeah, that’d be awesome.

Three-year-old boy: This is an iPhone, it can play YouTube videos.
Three-year-old girl: I know.

Woman looking for friend who got lost in massive crowd: Marco! Marco!
Massive crowd of people: Polo!

Guy #1: So when’s your birthday?
Guy #2: It’s June 24.
Guy #1: Hey, mine is May 24.
Guy #2: And my girlfriend’s is January 24.
Guy #1: Wow…we should all have sex.

Hobo #1: Britney Spears is a pussy.
Hobo #2: I was tapping her before she got pregnant.

Subway operator: This downtown 1 train will not be stopping at 50th Street. I repeat, will not be stopping at 50th Street.
(a minute passes)
Subway operator: We will not be stopping at 50th Street. There is a stalled train there. We will be going straight to 42nd without stopping at 50th.
(another minute goes by)
Subway operator: This is a downtown 1 train, next stop will be 50th. Shit! 42nd.

Guy #1(in PATH station): I went out drinking last night and didn’t smoke.
Guy #2: Except cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, besides that.

Hobo with cup of change in hand: You have any change?
College kid: Sorry, I don’t have any money.
Hobo: Get a fucking job.
College kid: Fuck you! You first!
Hobo: I’m working right now, asshole.

If you have heard any ridiculous conversations recently, please send ‘em my way.  And, for the love of God, if you are stupid…please don’t procreate.