Kimmy in the City

I feel, as well as many of my fellow actors at the present time,  like I am having either a delayed “I’m 18 and I don’t know what to do with my life” crisis, or an early midlife crisis….and It came as a TOTAL shock to us music school graduates that we actually have NO skills outside of singing, and dancing. SO what happens when we want to live in the real world? Answer: we are screwed.

 I mean…..I love theater but I am just not making enough consistent money to survive as a functioning adult….especially in this balls economy. So the next logical question is ok……what else do I want to do with my life? This shouldn’t be too hard!  I mean…I am REALLY talented and good at SO many things.  I am quite optimistic!

 So, at 12:00 PM I open a new document on my computer with breathless anticipation and gear up to start writing all the things, aside from theater, that I am good at!   This is how the session went:

(after 10 minutes staring at the blank page) I exclaim,  ”I know…..no WONDER I haven’t been thinking of anything….I haven’t had my coffee yet!!!”

20 minutes later I return with coffee in hand and snuggle back into my chair and write “Kimmy’s alternate career choices” 

After staring at the blinking curser for 30 minutes, I realize that I MUST be hungry.  Everyone knows you can’t properly think on an empty stomach, after all.  Eating will DEFINITELY get my neurons going.

After Eating giant sandwich, chips, milkshake, ahd half a pint of Phish Food ice cream, I am full.  Reeeeeeeally full.  So, I again sit down in front of the blinking curser and begin to brainstorm…..but my belly is so full and I am just uncomfortable sitting in front of the computer.  I have no choice but to move to the couch.  Hmmmm, maybe I should watch some TV to get ideas about different jobs that I’d be good at!  I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that before!

 So I watch a 3 hour marathon of The Real Housewives of New York City and then an hour of Toddlers in Tiara’s (the show really SHOULD be called “I was ugly and fat in high school, so I am living vicariously through my toddler…..and ruining her life).  They should just take those kids straight from the pageants to the psych ward, where they will all eventually end up anyway.  A stitch in time saves 9, right?  SO why not cut out the middle man and put those girls behind padded walls now.

Ok back to the topic at hand….. I finally feel READY to figure out my life.  I am once again in front of the blinking curser. It is 6:00 PM  

Ummm well…. I’m  really good at facebook. YES I AM!!  I’m good at facebook!!!…so I write it down 

1) Facebook!

Hmmmm I am good at singing!  wait….this is a backwards step.  OUT of musical theatre OUT of musical theater OUT OF THEATER!

I am good at making people laugh.  yes! Ok making people laugh is a go.  So I can make people laugh….on stage.  DOH!!!  

Oh yea!  I am REALLY good at Scrapbooking!   Scrapbooking for…….myself……..for no pay.  K, that’s not gonna work.

Urgh now I am hungry again.  (I take 30 minutes to eat) It’s now 6:30 PM

Back to the grind……I am going on Craigslist to see what jobs are out there;

1) Bloggers! (ooooh blogging job!!) “Bloggers must be comfortable blogging topless”  oh, um, no

2)Personal assistant! “7-10 years support experience at the C – Level or Chairman” (I don’t even know what this means) aaaaaand…thats out.

3) Personal Shopper!  I mean…..I LOVE to shop!!!!!! I’d be PERFECT  ”Qualified candidates must have a client book with their own loyal customers.”  Well, since all of my friends are broke out-of-work actors, this maaaaaay be an issue.  wah wah. onto the next.

4) Babysitting? “applicant must love children”   crap.  

K, I’m starting to get discouraged.  And realizing the only things I am good at pay 0 dollars a week. 

OOOH I got it!  I can be an egg donor!  I hear it pays SO well. “Donors will have 4-5 doctors appointments a week, be on very high estrogen birth control to sync you up with person receiving your eggs, go through at least 2 extraction surgeries which are extremely painful, complete medical history of donor and every family member……” Ok they lost me at extremely painful and 4-5 doctors appointments a week. scratch that.

THIS IS IT!!!  Someone needs help with his “booming film career” I could be his Production Assistant! YES!!!  I could totally do that. “Must be familiar with the adult film industry” aaaaaand scene

So, it’s 12:46 AM and so far I have ;

Kimmy’s Alternate career choices

1) Facebook.  

Fuck.