Ahhh Summer….so many truly awesome things about summers in New York. Here are some of my favorites;
Women busting out their summer whoregear attire, everyone migrating to the Hamptons on weekends while my broke ass can barely afford to sit on the roof of my building gazing at the picturesque view of a gas station, flawlessly applying makeup only to have it melt down my face 3 minutes after leaving my apartment, being in a subway car shoved up against sweaty tourists wearing fanny packs from Duluth, the smell of bubbling horse poo wafting in through my windows, and sitting on the great lawn in central park crazy-watching. Here are some of the things one can expect to see on any given afternoon in Central Park (photos were taken yesterday…..thank God for camera phones);
1) Weird half naked overweight men taking naps.
2) Couples dry humping one another as if the park is a setting for a cable access porno and they are the stars.
3) Upper east side “I’ve had so many plastic surgery procedures that my face now looks like a science experiment gone retarded” women pushing their dogs in strollers.
4) Musicians with random instruments like, say….bagpipes (which inevitably reminds me of that episode of “friends” where Ross plays ‘celebrate’ on the bagpipes….see video below) strolling up and down the paths.
5) Hasidic Jews with ear curls wearing 907 layers of thick black clothing sweating like whores in church in the 90 degree heat.
6) Men from Staten Island with gold chains around their neck staring at exposed bikini breasts shouting things like, “hey sexy….wanna come to papa?”
7) Trasian (trendy Asian) tourists taking a break from shopping at Fendi, Henri Bendel, and Gucci in 6 inch heels.
and
8.) Me walking around taking pictures of all the weirdos.
