Kimmy in the City

Today’s beautiful-in-theory mother’s day brunch went in blissful harmony with my previous post. I had made reservations a day ahead at a highly popular West Village brunch spot to ensure we would get a seat and not be forced to wait 3847239847829347892347 hours at the “overly-crowded-I’m-STARVING-and-cranky-and-I’m-a-Model-so-I’m-much-hotter-than-you” door. It was a gorgeous sunny day, and the outside patio was bustling with beautiful food and mimosas as far as the eye could see. We were excited to enjoy the sunshine on the patio and have a girly gossip session. We get to the podium and the maitre’ d tells us to follow him. We follow. and follow. aaaaaaand follow. Soon, we are being taken downstairs to the bathrooms and are getting a bit more confused with every step. He turns a corner into a dark basement with a mishmash of unset tables inhabited by screaming children (seriously….there were at LEAST 8 SCREAMING babies down there) and LARGE families shrieking at each other in all kinds of indeterminate Middle Eastern languages. So, we look around and see there is obviously no room for us…..but hark. There is a tiiiiiiiiiny table wedged between 2 high chairs, 3 overweight immigrants, a pole, and a family of 10. Our waiter came once the entire meal….and that was so take our order. D list

On another topic I feel this video below needs to be seen.  Bless her little tone deaf heart.  I have decided that I would rather be talent-free and think my voice is Christlike, than be very talented and overthink every note and step to the point of obsession at each audition as I do now. “Was I a hair flat in bar 3???????!!!!!!  That means I TOTALLY blew it!!”

 Delusion definitely has it’s part in American Musical Theater, and I want a piece of it! It would make life so much easier, wouldn’t it?   They are looking for tall, leggy showgirls who can spit fire out of their mouths while tapping en pointe???  SURE!!  Of COURSE I can do it!   They need an Effie for a regional production of Dreamgirls?? HELL YEA I CAN!!  I am talented enough to change their minds about the whole “Effie is black” thing!!!   They need a Meg replacement in Phantom of the Opera who needs to be a beautiful ballet dancer en pointe? NO PROBLEM.  I’ve never been on pointe, but come on……how hard could pointe REALLY be? I can wing it.  Im IN!   See?…how many opportunities am I missing simply because I am not delusional????  

    Your assignment for today, folks is to be just a little bit delusional. Do something you would never in a million years think to do….like applying for the CEO’s position at a company where you are a temp. Do you have skinny clothes that used to fit but now send fat spilling over the tops and under the butt??  Wear em!  EVERYONE looks better with a muffin top or 2….0r 40. So go ahead and wear it proudly sister!!! Or, if you are white, go up to a crowd of African American teenagers on the trains at 3 PM and chime in their conversation using their lingo and speech patters. If they start to rap (which they inevitably do back and forth on the A train) YOU start to rap and challenge one of them to a rap duel.   Disclaimer: If you get shot, the shit kicked out of you, or die, I cannot not be held responsible. You will have to talk to my lawyers.  And by my lawyers I mean my mom. 

Delusion: It does a body good