We all know how weird the NY subway can be and my experience last night did not disappoint. Here is a blog I posted last year that I still feel is quite relevant. I was 38% sure that I was being punked, just looking around expecting to see Aston jump out at any moment. So, without further adieu Kimmy’s rules for NY subway etiquette:
1.) Please, please for the love of God remember that deodorant is your friend people. Friend, not foe.
2.) If the subway is crowded and there is .08 of a centimeter in between 2 seats, do not, and I repeat do not try to sandwich yourself between the 2 poor souls sitting in them. Especially if you are chubby or haven’t mastered number 1 on this list.
3.) If you happen to be homeless and are hoping to score some money from the passengers, you may want to refrain from slurring your speech, screaming obscenities at them, and drinking from a .40 wrapped in a brown paper bag while trying to do so. Just a suggestion.
4.) I am all for chit chat to make the commute go by a little quicker, but please, lets try to use our “inside voices” a bit more so the other passengers don’t rupture an eardrum. (This is especially relevant oh, say, around 3 pm on school days).
5.) Gum smackers. Yes, you know who you are. Gum is meant to be enjoyed for it’s flavor….Chewed ( mouth closed) until flavor dissipates, whereupon it should be disposed of into a trash receptacle This is not to be confused with smacking, chomping, blowing, cracking, or slurping the gum. (This applies to food as well) In case you didn’t get the memo, we are, in fact, people….not cows. Who knew?
6.) Ipods….Yes, I love my ipod. I listen to it at a reasonable volume. You should also try this. When the person sitting next to you is covering his/her ears and pulsating to the rhythm of your techno music, this may be an indication you should click it down a notch …or 20.
7.) Altoids….lets make these our friends too. Especially during rush hour when we are all up in each other’s business.
8.) Singing…..So, again, I am a full believer using song as one’s creative outlet. This is, in fact, my profession after all. Singing brings joy to so many, I know. Unfortunately, when you are shoved into a tiny tube filled with sweaty, tired people, no one else will feel this joy. More than likely, they will probably veer more towards disgust or disdain. You are not alone. Remember…you are, in fact, in public.
***Especially relevant if you happen to be tone deaf.
9.) If it is raining and your umbrella is soaked, putting it onto the seat next to you just doesn’t make much sense….especially when I come along and sit on, it only to find my ass all wet. It is not fun to look like you peed yourself.
10.) If you have a screaming child that requires a 50 foot stroller complete with drawers, shelving units, and a small island attached to the back, please take a taxi. Or better yet, hire a babysitter.
That’s it for tonight. And please, ride safely 
