Poor Broadway…..she has gone from a healthy size 14 down to a size 2. It’s pretty awesome for me cause instead of 6 equity jobs available each year, there will be 1.5 (the .5 obviously referring to the union midget) So, upon losing my day job, boyfriend, waistline, and dignity, I have really tried to make myself productive each day.
A typical day in the life of Kimmy begins around 1 PM when she rolls out of bed (and by rolls out of bed she means sits up, turns on the DVR’d View and opens her computer.) She will begin by responding to all her fellow unemployed actor friends’ posts on facebook from the night before (night=1AM-5 AM) This may include sharing youtube video’s of retarded people falling, reading status updates, posting embarrassing pictures, and commenting on various pages. After this commences, she will promptly check every celebrity blog to see who is getting fat, making an ass of themselves, flashing their vaginas exiting vehicles, or crashing their car. Her stomach will begin rumbling and since her diet began that morning she will begin with a sensible breakfast. After said breakfast is consumed, she will get a craving for french fries and pizza and order them from deli (downstairs). There will undoubtedly be some reality show on television that she will giggle at while checking her email for the next hour or so. Then she will have made plans with other unemployed actors to go out to lunch/coffee/walk to complain about their lack of structure and lack of available jobs and bemoan their frustrating careers. This conversation usually lasts somewhere between 1 and 3 hours always with the same outcome….
Kim: “What the hell else are we gonna do with our lives?”
Fellow disgruntled actor friend: “I don’t know. shit.”
Kim: “I feel fat.”
FDAF: “Me too.”
Kim:”….I’m hungry…wanna go eat?”
FDAF: “Ya!”
After the outing of the day, Kim will obviously be tired and need to take a nap. When she wakes up she will eat something non-diet friendly since her diet will begin tomorrow, and facestalk some more. There will then be primetime Television/movie watching that will occur until “night” when it all begins again.
